Before I Was a Mom

I am generally confident that I am a good mother. I'm not perfect, but I think I'm doing a good job. I am fairly secure in my role and in the way I mother my son.

But then there are days like today...the days when my patience is wearing thin and I feel like I'm about to lose my head. My son is two and a half, and he wants so desperately to have independance, to show me he can dress himself, put on his shoes, when all I want is to get us out of the house in the morning! He wants to be near me, and I mean RIGHT next to me, when all I want is five minutes of peace. It seems to take forever to get us out of the house sometimes, and then I'm late to work and just so frustrated. Sometimes I wonder, what was I thinking, that I could be a single mom???

In the evenings, on the weekends, it's the same thing, he just wants to be near me, play with me, hug on me, love on me. "Mommy, sit down." "Honey, I will in a minute, Mommy's making dinner" "Mommy has to do the dishes," "Mommy's gotta do this first..."

And still he tries, until finally I sit down and play with him for the 20 minutes I have left before his bath.

Lately, the guilt is overpowering. I am not the best mom I can be all of the time. By telling my son, I need to finish all of these other things first, I'm telling him that these things are more important than he is. And that is going to change. Today. I'm going to play with my son, all night long. I'm going to love on him, kiss him, hug him, until he begs me to stop, because one day he won't le me kiss him, or hug him, and all I will have are the memories of this one childhood.

We get one chance to mother our children, these precious gifts from God, and I'm going to take full advantage of it. It's time to live in the moment. The dishes can wait, I've got a Lego castle to build.

I received this in an email today. I've read it before, but it really hit home today. Being a mother is the single, most important thing that has ever happened to me.

Before I was a Mom,

I never tripped over toys

or forgot the words to a lullaby.

I did not worry whether or not

my plants were poisonous.

And I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom,

I had never been puked on.

Pooped on.

Chewed on.

Peed on.

Wiped on.

I had complete control of my mind

and my thoughts.

I slept all through the night.

Before I was a Mom,

I had never held down a screaming child

so doctors could do tests.

Or give shots.

I never really looked into little teary eyes and cried.

I never got gloriously happy over a simple silly grin.

Before I was a Mom,

I never held a sleeping baby just because

I did not want to put him down.

I never felt my heart break

When I could not stop the little hurts.

I never knew that something so small

could affect my life so much.

Before I was a Mom,

I did not know the feeling of a bond

between a mother and her child.

I never knew that my child could

make me feel so important and happy.

I never knew how much I would love being a Mom.