Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Blue Christmas

The past few Christmas's have had a bit of a learning curve for my little family. When my father and  grandmother both died following Christmas of 2007, the holidays changed for us. The first Christmas without them was the hardest, as we really just didn't know what to do. Many of the traditions we had, sort of revolved around the two of them. So, what now?

I remember opening up a box of my grandmother's Christmas decorations, and just starting to cry. Yes, right there in my garage at 10:00 at night, I stood there, tears streaming down my face, wishing I was there just helping her take down her decorations from the attic, like I had done for the past 20 years. I kept several of her ornaments, and my favorite are the ice skates she crotcheted many years ago. They are among of the first ornaments to go up every year.


After my dad died, I inherited Rodney Reindeer. It was a long standing joke between us, that it really belonged, not him. So when he died, I took it home with me (that night, in fact). It's one of the ways that I keep him with us. He sits high atop our TV armoire, and Cooper knows it's Grandpa's.


Last Christmas was a little better, as we started to make our own traditions, and to choose which traditions we would carry on. This year, I'm focusing on making new traditions and creating new memories.

The holidays seem to be the hardest when you've lost loved ones. This time of year is about family, and celebrating together, and without them, everything changed. But time does heal wounds, and the grief becomes just a little less each year. They are still missed, very much, but with each passing year, it gets easier.

5 comments:

  1. In our home, we get emotional just pulling out our ornaments from year to year and reminiscing as we put them on the tree. It's got to be so hard when Christmas comes up and you are celebrating without such important people. I'm so glad you have such nice memories of your Grandmother and your Father. Your Father is probably chuckling as he looks down on Rodney Reindeer from up in heaven.

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  2. Well, I needed something to make me cry today. Really. I love Christmas but I don't love it too...for all of the reasons you talked about. I always miss my Grandpa, but it's harder at Christmas.

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  3. Sending you a hug during this time of year!! **hugs** I love the Rodney Reindeer by the way!!


    :)
    Rach

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  4. Hey there! Just wanted to let you know that I gave your blog an award: http://www.polishthestars.com/2010/12/blog-post.html :)

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  5. Those crocheted ice skates bring me back to my childhood. I have a handful of ornaments that belonged to my grandmother, too. They make me smile whenever I see them on the tree. I get more emotional about her Christmas cookie cutters that I display in a jar interspersed with silver Christmas balls. There is still a little flour in the deep crackers of the cutters, and knowing she was the last person to use them and that the flour was part of that, I get a little teary. I refuse to wash them. Sending good thoughts your way...

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