Betty Crocker Wannabe has MOVED! I am now blogging solely at A Simply Klassic Home. I am still sharing printables, party ideas, and other inspiration. It's much more streamlined and clean. I hope you will stop by and say follow along there! I have lots of ideas for new printables coming this holiday season!!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

A Journey of Faith - My Adoption Story

My idea of starting this blog, was to share recipes, and other homemaking ideas, but I feel compelled to share my story as well. So, here it is...

Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute,
you didn't grow under my heart, but in it.

My adoption journey began when I was about 16 or 17 years old. I used to joke with my best friend that I have such a low pain tolerance, I would not be able to handle childbirth, and would have to adopt. Little did I know, that God had planted a seed in me that I would not fully come to recognize for 13 years.

The dream of ever becoming pregnant came to a screeching end with these words: "You have Premature Ovarian Failure (aka early menopause). The only way you will have a chance to become pregnant is with donor eggs." They hit me like a mack truck. Seriously? I was 24 years old! So I cried, I prayed, and I scoured the internet, bought a book, and was determined that I would get pregnant. I chose a fertility specialist, knowing that the younger I was, the better my chances of conceiving, no matter the method. Donor embryo was the only option at this point. There was a myriad of tests, procedures, and home therapies, some painful, both physically and emotionally.

After six months, I was told that I would have about a 24% chance of actually achieving pregnancy through implantation, and the odds that it would be a successful pregnancy were not great, but that the choice to attempt to conceive was mine. I decided to go for it - after all, it may be my only chance. A few weeks later, feeling very unsure of myself and my decisions up to that point, I was walking with a friend and crying and praying out loud, begging God to please hit me with the answer - WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO??? The next day, my body made the decision for me. I spoke to a nurse and told her what had happened. Her response? "Well, that's not good. We'll have to postpone the procedure for another month." My response? "No, I'm done." I had asked God for an answer, and I got one. Pregnancy was not for me. Childbirth, looking into my own eyes, seeing my smile reflected on my child's face; these things, these simple, wonderful, beautiful things, were not for me. I was devastated and heartbroken, and yet knew there was a plan. I felt it, and through my tears, I thanked God, for helping me to close that door, and to open another. I began looking into adoption.

Many adoptive parents have a saying - "Adoption is not for sissies." Never has a more perfect and true statement been uttered. I chose to go through County Social Services in their "Concurrent Planning" program (fostering to adopt). When you decide to adopt, your life is examined, your choices and lifestyle put under a magnifying glass. There were statements to write, extensive forms and questionaires to fill out, physicals to take, and classes - lots of classes - to sit through. It took about nine months from the time I sat in the first class to the moment I was certified and considered "in matching," or waiting for a placement. It was September of 2006.

I finally received a call in March of 2007. There was a baby boy, just two months old, waiting for a family. I had the presentation, said yes, and then waited. There was some indecision on the part of the current foster family, and on the day I was supposed to receive this little boy, the dreaded call came that the family had decided to adopt him. Devestation again. So I packed up the baby clothes and crib bedding, and sat to wait again.

The next call came in June. A little boy, 15 months old. I wavered, not sure if it was right, but said yes. Carlos was with me for three amazing months. He was a very strong and sweet little boy, but because of a mistake made on the part of the investigating worker, he was returned to his grandparents on September 17. More devestation; I spent two days in tears and was ready to give up. Once again, baby items were packed away.

A third phone call came in November of 2007. There was again a presentation, a photo for me to take, a choice to make. I said yes again. This time there were issues with another family member, and I sat on pins and needles for two weeks, not telling many people about this child; the child who I would eventually call "Cooper," who would be my son.

Cooper was born on September 18, 2007; one day after Carlos left my home. One day after. That's God's perfect timing. There was a plan in all of this, that started when I was 16 and came to fruition at 30 years of age. I look back now, and realize how I have been blessed; by the children I cannot give birth to, by the one I never met, and by the one I rocked to sleep for three months. But the most gracious blessing of all, is the one I call my son, who I love fiercely, and marvel at every new discovery; who challenges me every day. My road to motherhood was paved with brokenness, but I am so grateful for the journey.

In the beginning...November 20, 2007

My little man today, at two and a half years old!!!


Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness, what an amazing story! And Cooper is freaking adorable! I love those curls!

We have thought about adoption, but I think we are giving it a few more years. Right now, I'm all about getting healthy and fit and then we'll see what happens.

twinkietotmom said...

What a great story. I am finding you through UBP2010 and was so happy to read your story.

My husband and I had always said we wanted four kids and if for some reason we had three boys (I was terrified I'd never have any girls) we'd adopt a girl. My first was a son, Tucker, followed less than two years later by twin girls. Blessed...I know. Our girls however were born premature at 29 weeks and spent 48 days in the NICU. Completely terrified me to the point of not wanting to conceive any more kids. I don't want to go through that again but I'm not so sure I'm ready to stop having babies. Adoption I feel will be in our future one day. A few years down the road when the kids are in school and preschool I'd like to adopt and add on to our family. My father in law was it's something we have truely thought a lot about.

There are so many amazing children out there who don't have homes or think we can make a difference in that is great. I love the pictures of your son, adorable! He is almost a month younger than our son!

Anonymous said...

Wow, after all that heartbreak your reward. Wow, your son is such a super cutie!!! Thanks for sharing the story with me. You rock Mama!

Katie said...

I just love this story! My husband and I think we would like to adopt but it seems that every time we think it is time to start something happens and our savings gets whipped. All in God's timing. Thank you so much for visiting my blog. I really appreciate the sweet comment and for the understanding of losing a parent.

Lyn said...

What an amazing story! Your son is precious and I love those curls!
I too have stuggled with infertility. We have one son who is 8 and have not been able to achieve a second pregnancy. We have quit the infertility roller coaster but adoption is one of those things that keeps creeping up. Maybe one day. Lots of prayer in the meantime.
Thank you for sharing your story.
Lyn @ Southern Homeschool Journey

Robyn said...

Your story is so wonderful. It's beautifully written and your little man is absolutely a DOLL! God works in mysterious ways for sure!

Jen said...

What a beautiful story! We share a story with many likenesses, but I think the state we live in is a little different than yours. We got our sweet son 13 mo ago, when he was 14 mo. old, and are so blessed to have him in our lives (our 2nd son!). Words could never express the joy my "babies" give me, and I can see you feel the same through your blog about your sweet boy! God's perfect timing is so true! Now we are starting our journey to find #3!

Unknown said...

This is a beautiful story. Thank you so much for sharing it.

Bella @ Bella before and after said...

Kristin, your story is very inspiring. I can only imagine the feelings you had to go through, the despair, and heartbreak. In the end, though, look at that little by who was just destined to be yours. Makes me happy to see everything is as it should be, and I truly believe that things do work out for the best, eventually. God Bless you and your darling boy!!!

Melinda said...

What an amazing reward after so much heartbreak - your son is adorable.

Alicia said...

what an amazing story! i'm an adoptive mommy too and i really believe it was meant to be - the stars aligned just right for you and for us it seems. aren't we so lucky?!

Unknown said...

Thank you so much for sharing your story! My husband and I feel that adoption is in our future and are waiting for God's timing.

Trevor and Lisa said...

I just stumbled upon your blog looking for subway art and found this sweet story. I too have struggled with IF and the heart break it brings. Loved reading about your story, it took me back to the beginning of mine and the blessings I have been given too, Thank you.