Defining Friendship

I've been thinking a lot about friendship lately, and what it means to be a friend.

Your friend is your needs answered.
He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.
And he is your board and your fireside.
For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.

-Kahlil Gibran

I am what you could call selectively social. That is, in my private life, I have a few, intense, long-time friends rather than a vast collection of "networks." Some formative experiences caused me to be rather slow to trust and so, even people who consider me their friend often don't know a good part of who I am for a very long time, if ever.

I have been fortunate enough to collect friends over the years. I have a dear friend from Jr. High, a few from my high school and college years, my church friends and colleagues, my adoptive moms group, and a few friends I have met under random circumstances. These are friendships of all different levels. Only one of these friends knows the deepest levels of me. With her I can share anything and everything, the good, the bad, the ugly and the truly insane. The others know only the parts of me that I choose to share. Does that make them any less of a friend? Of course not, they just haven't uncovered all of the levels.

So what makes a true friend?

A true friend loves at all times, despite my faults. She listens and cares for me always, and hurts when I hurt.  She is there for me when I need her, when at all possible. A true friend lets you be yourself and accepts you for who you are. A true friend works to learn who the real you is.

True friendship is being able to confide in a friend, trust them with your secrets, trust that they have your best interests at heart. True friendship is being able to tell a friend when they've hurt you. True friendship is knowing when to say "I'm sorry."

I recently confided in a friend that she had hurt me. She, in turn, was hurt by what I said. In both cases, it was the presentations and deliveries that were the most detrimental, not the intentions behind them. What does this say about our friendship? Does it mean that we were truly never friends? On the contrary, there would be no hurt if there wasn't a deep friendship. Can this friendship be mended? I hope so, but time will tell.

I hope that I am the kind of friend that I want to have, and who is all of these things. I know that sometimes I fail. Miserably.

I am a friend who will do anything, go anywhere. When a friend is hurting, I hurt. I keep confidences. And when I let you in to my heart, you are there for good.

What is your definition of friendship?